a reason to feel blessed.

exam is in less than 2 weeks time. wish me luck!i have someone kind enough to teach me all the important clinical stuffs.i hope i am prepared when the time comes. i have the tendency to go all blank if I am too nervous. sigh.

i saw a pigeon got hit by a car on my way back. is that considered bad luck?

oh happy 23rd birthday maggie!me loves you!:)

take me away

papa used to tell me how org merajuk will never go far in life. He would make fun and called me "woodpecker" for the look I will normally put on.

i miss my dad and his silly jokes.

i wish i was not someone who gets carried away with my emotions. this is my weakness and sometimes i get tired of fighting against it. i know it's not a healthy feeling.

this journey is a very lonely path don't you think?i miss the connections which I fail to find here.


Dublin is so cold and gloomy today.

a midnight craving.

for now i am craving for this. and maggie goreng mamak. oh and nasi goreng kerabu!
how about roti bom? the choices are endless. temptations you should say.

oh 25th june-24th september 08. that is date I'd be going back. wheepeedoo!i am lucky in finding cheap tickets but i wished i had more luck with my exams. in this, my luck seems to be wearing off. grr and sigh.

yes, i miss home. the 24/7 sunny weather, the food, the things to do,friends, family and he is just nearby.

perhaps this explains watching so many stuffs that reminds me of home.

bring on the humour.

this malay drama(ghost) is suprisingly watchable.it's stars chery samad and nazrudin rahman. i never gave second thoughts to the local dramas. partly because the acting annoys me, and secondly because the storyline just annoys me. i try to remain neutral but you should understand why it is impossible to remain so. haha

i don't know what brought on the marathon. perhaps the company and influence of my roomate. but the acting is suprisingly believable.and the guy is kinda cute.

remember those days we use to make fun of those datuk and datin scenes? I say we have more of this please.malaysia boleh!:)

remember that LL lane?

i am sorry, i have forgotten how good and perfect it was.

we had established that level of comfort which took some years.

and we made that silent promise.

I am not sure who decided to let go of who.

before we knew, we were no longer dancing to the same tune.
our priorities changed, we changed, and we drifted further apart.

I can't forsee how the future would be like.

I have lost so many, but somehow I do not intend to loose all of yous.

thank you for putting up with me this far.

daily routines.

i managed to study from 3-11pm. oh that and plus a 4 hour break. hehe but still!i am very proud of myself. *pat my back**patpat*

on the other note, adikku is leaving for matrix gopeng. it feels weird because she has never been far from home before.one of the penghuni tetap definitely. and I have no one to bug when I go back. sigh. I wish some things would never change. and for some not to ever grow up.

I should start taking assignments seriously. i never knew cartoons could be so inspiring.

there would always be moment like this.

"there was never a single bird in the backyard before. but the day papa came to visit, there were hundreds of birds flocking over every single day,
and the moment he went back to malaysia all the birds disappeared as well."

ina told me this story before, and again, during my recent visit, when she was looking out at the backyard. i looked at her and realized she is just as unhappy as I was. we all are.he is irreplaceable. we missed him.that's sometimes it becomes unbearable.

it still hurts.

and things would never be all right.

i remembered the night he left, the night had never felt so quiet and still. and it felt so cold.

I remember how papa would sit at the balcony to do some bird-watching. he would tell me how you can see the different types and the beautiful ones normally would come out at night.

i remembered his last words..

I remembered how he never really got to say goodbye before he left.

papa reminded me from time to time how life goes on and how all the good things must come to an end. he says how taking a one way ticket was never easy for him.

the comfort, laughters, love, jokes, advices,the expressions, him. i long for these. these are the things i can never have.

it was never easy. and it gets harder as days, months passes by. I wish I could look back on memories with fondess. the days with him seems so far away and there would always be that empty spot. I missed him too much.

i am afraid of the thought of going back to a home without him. has it really been that long?sigh.

this is how it goes.

what has been up? beside exams, nothing much. I decided to study at least 3 hours a day.
it is always difficult to kick start something.
especially when it involves studying. yes especially this.

oh that, and the week with ina and the family.

arissa lost her two front teeth and ina decided to cut her hair short,yet again.
adam loves my pancake and I think he's going to break so many hearts when he grows up.
zara is i think the most 'ladylike' out of the three but is getting more on the defensive side to protect herself from the two big bullies. she is garang i tell you.

and i like the cotsworld!the scenery was amazing but i did not take much pictures except of the kids. and the quality wasn't as good since I used a camera phone.
I wouldn't mind growing old in places like this. I would have more of a quality life, and live hopefully happily ever after.

Finding the right dates to go back to malaysia has never been a problem when now I seem to procrastinate a lot.so far, I've decided on the 25th june.but this too, might change.

i love you before and always will.

I think there's a million of unspoken things of the love one has for their mother.

and the unspoken things is what makes it more special. what makes it more precious.

the unspoken bond.and the love that never fades despite many arguements and disagreements. and the only love I believe is real and permanent and does not fade away with time.

to the one and only mamachi,
HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY!

tentang kita

Waktu terasa semakin berlalu
Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita
Akan tiada lagi kini tawamu
Tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

Teringat di saat kita tertawa bersama
Ceritakan semua tentang kita

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

let's go sailing:sideways

The sky looks pretty
Normal and so do the trees
I woke up pretty
Early and I could see
That I’ve been walking
I’ve been thinking
I’ve been looking at you
Sideways.

I’ve been moving
I’ve been dreaming
I’ve been looking at you
Sideways.

I have no problems
Dipping in my feet
But the trouble comes when
I have to jump.
And all the reasons not to
Seem pretty good
At the time
Cause I’ve been walking
I’ve been thinking
I’ve been looking at you
Sideways.

Yeah I’ve been moving
I’ve been dreaming
I’ve been looking at you
Sideways.

eliza made me listen to this song and i felt in love with it because it's so pretty.

i missed the kids . sigh. and of course the sister. sigh sigh.