it's going to be almost 2 years in 3 weeks time.
but it feels so long, so so long, that he is no longer here in our lives.
I still miss him as much as I did before, perhaps so much more as time goes.

sometimes i'd pretend that he went on a long journey,
and somedays I have this unrealistic hope that one day, I will see him again.
it might take a lifetime, or it might be sooner than expectd,
but Insya Allah I will get there.
I hold on to that tiny little hope, and keep it close to this tiny little heart.

you're beautiful

right now, this is my guilty pleasure.after all entertainment is something universal right. trust me, korean dramas annoys me to death. but this one is too cute to resist.:)

some strive to be different, to make a difference, to be not be part of what is different. the list goes on, but in the end the one who's missing out on things is you yourself. you would sacrifice teeny bits of yourself until one day you'd come to realize the you today are actually fractions of ppl you have met along the way.

A friend.are definetly not the ones I find so hard to keep.

I am a bit suffocated and repelled by such advances. I am not sending you signals, so stop acting like we're in the middle of a courting process. seeing you now just makes me want to run a mile further away. :(

You shouldn't give up.
Fight for yourself and
who you are. You've got
to go through the worst
times in life to get the best.

07/08/09

the last 6 hours, the only improvement I've made is moving my butt from sitting on the bed, to now, my chair. but attention wise, still the same. facing my very own hp tablet.

and you know what?my written paper would be early january. how unfair.

the gloomiest time of the year.

I am sitting on my bed as I type,remembering one of the best birthday parties I truly did enjoy. I had my family,and my bffs. I wonder if we knew what lies ahead of us, perhaps we would all dread the year we grow a year older.
because each year brings us closer to loosing the most important men in our lives.

in the last two years, one by one started to leave
first kye's

mine;s
atun's
and now...

Be strong maggie. I know once the shock wears off things will get more difficult. but do know, that I'd be here, always, whenever you need a friend.as your crying shoulder, anything you would want me to be.
I know life wgets harder.
but it will be, Insya Allah more bearable.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

last night I had a dream about him. eventhough it was a dream, I took my chances.
the agony of pain and knowing how pain feels like.
I begged, I cried, I pleaded.
I wanted him to stay.
because he was just too important to me.
too important that I wanted to forget.

I am sorry for my selfishness.
I don't want to remember.
there's no way to turn back time.
and no way to return back what we have lost.