You said you had a long dream,a very sad dream.

i have been lazy. very. that is something I am willing to admit. and that is something I don't feel like doing anything about either.

I was talking to a friend and I was saying how I wish we could just live a life and not having to have to be commited to anything at all. to me, it sounded like a blistful life. I loved the idea.

I understand the importance of knowledge, but I hold on to the freedom of seeking it. and not for it to be tested upon. or for us to be like a sponge, absorbing everything in, and pour it out whenever the time comes.
I don't know, I guess as I grow, I get tired of learnng things. of having to follow rules that doenst seem to make sense.

when you ask me can I just live doing nothing? there will be a point when boredom decides to grace me with its presence. but I think I am happy doing things I can put my heart into. these things are not anything fancy, but I don't mind going a thousand mile as long as I can keep these with me. perhaps I am not making any sense, except to myself that is. but maybe I am growing a bit bitter but for now I would like to remain that way. I will move on the brighter side, but for the time being I would like to stay just here.

lately, I have been having unhappy thoughts. I think I succumb to tears so easily. I think the in denial period seems to be wearing off and from time to time I am hit by the reality I have been trying to run away from.

i wish he was here.

i wish that everything makes sense. it was never perfect, but I felt there were meaning in everything that I do.

in one day, I can feel the four seasons. winter, autumn, spring, summer.

and it's april.

weird.

I would like to go to the beach and sing you a la-la song.:)

I need more crash course books. I don't need details, I just need something to help me sail through the exam.

love me, like I love you.

volleyball practises never fail to make me have this horrible muscle cramp all over the body. and to think, I have my advanced clinical skills next week, and osce by the end of it.

but I love it. I decided to stick to what I am good at, and be happy with it. the feeling and the satisfaction was so familiar. and I havent felt like this for a long long time.

hello lover.

they say, nothing last forever.
dreams change.
trends come and go.
but friendship never goes out of style.

a five hour of the sex and the city marathon, I kind of get what the fuss was all about it. i thought it was all about sex. and the sex talks. maybe I was a bit wrong about the whole concept. it took me years to force myself to sit down and watch it.

friendship, indeed, never goes out of style. when ppl have the same ideas and believes in it as much as you do.

can I giggle this way?

today i woke up around 6. and the next thing I know it was 12 pm.
god, I really need to do something to boost up my motivation level.

things I should and probably would be doing sometime soon:
a) see patients whenever I am free. practise!
b) allocate 2 hours studying every day.
c) start loosing weight. the bet will be over by july. it's either I am 300 richer or poorer. heh.

on the other note, my roomate is having her finals 2morow. and I am trying to get out of her way. that means,by staying in the living room. I know I would want my own privacy whenever the big thing arrives. I wonder how it feels being a final med. even now I am starting to freak out at the possibility of devoting more of my time into studying.
I don't know. sometimes I think I need a break. but on 2nd thougt, I aactually have ample time in my hand.

I have been listening to this indonesian band ungu : tercipta untukku. I know it is an old song. I think the words are pretty hearbreaking and it makes me all sad somehow. Especially when I am on the bus, heading back on a very sunny day. especially when the he goes
"Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku"

what do you think?

"ku mahu kau menemaniku, di setiap langkah meyakiniku"