You said you had a long dream,a very sad dream.

i have been lazy. very. that is something I am willing to admit. and that is something I don't feel like doing anything about either.

I was talking to a friend and I was saying how I wish we could just live a life and not having to have to be commited to anything at all. to me, it sounded like a blistful life. I loved the idea.

I understand the importance of knowledge, but I hold on to the freedom of seeking it. and not for it to be tested upon. or for us to be like a sponge, absorbing everything in, and pour it out whenever the time comes.
I don't know, I guess as I grow, I get tired of learnng things. of having to follow rules that doenst seem to make sense.

when you ask me can I just live doing nothing? there will be a point when boredom decides to grace me with its presence. but I think I am happy doing things I can put my heart into. these things are not anything fancy, but I don't mind going a thousand mile as long as I can keep these with me. perhaps I am not making any sense, except to myself that is. but maybe I am growing a bit bitter but for now I would like to remain that way. I will move on the brighter side, but for the time being I would like to stay just here.

lately, I have been having unhappy thoughts. I think I succumb to tears so easily. I think the in denial period seems to be wearing off and from time to time I am hit by the reality I have been trying to run away from.