there are those people you don't feel the neeed to keep up appearances.
conversations flow easily.i let me guard down.my flaws doesn't seem to matter that much. this feels real and permanent. this feels safe.

thank you.

last 16th of november. 2 years. we miss him everyday, but this was the day. the day he left.

it still feels like a lifetime without him. time flies, but ive wished for it to fly me backwards, back to those days with him around. sometimes i forget, but when i remember that is when the memory unfolds.

how he likes it when we prepare cempedak goreng. the last conversation and when he sent me to the ktm. how i could find him sitting at the balcony. how he likes his icecream with bananas. badmintons and movies. teas and jokes.gardenings and pasar malams. his voice, his wisdom. those funny faces he makes. sitting next to him. how he brings out the childish part in each one of us. how he makes us proud of him everyday.

he brings that peaceful feeling. that very feeling that everything is going to be alright. because he will be there.

when I look back, I see my bestest friend. and i see the greatest human being I would ever known.

and I am thankful pa, everyday and always.

I love you pa, and miss you so very much.words doesn't do justice. nor does it changes anything.

Al-Fatihah.

i am back in waterford again. two more weeks to go. and I have two weekends to look forward to. so until then study study and study until my brain is ready to burst with information and I shall beg for the dates of my finals to arrive asap. but that of course, will never happen.fingers crossed!

my weekends are filled with goodbyes. don't you just hate them?I am officially friend-less, which sometimes makes me feel a bit sad. but to keep me going i shall occupy each day with my new-found love for my books. i miss my roomate already. we might not the bestest of friends, but I've develop some level of trust,fondness and comfort over a short period of tym when with others it perhaps will never happen. She is one of the few ppl who genuinely is interested and remembers what I've to say. I never quite knew that I would feel as sad until it hit me that she really is leaving. and you know how it goes from here, you might not ever hear from that person, or there would be constant updates, but it is never the same like seing each other every day. but I hope she finds what she is looking for, and I am confident this is the best choice for her. after all Malaysia, you win hearts everytime!:)

i'm sorry. i keep on repeating the same trend over and over again here in my blog.
I understand that some feelings are best kept because as much as I would like to blog about things, I have to be honest. I am drag back to square one. who am I kidding?it will never go away. I now have a diary, so my despair, and frusrations are meant to be kept, and i'll keep it safe and closest to the heart.

so back to blogging about daily activities it is.

I am in waterford, perhaps not being productive as I ought to be. finals is now 9 weeks and counting. aint it scary how time flies. it makes you miss those days. friends, and family. i think i miss them ever day. they are my daily dose of sanity, and of course, what keeps me going.

i am a hippo. i have no discipline. i am not driven. i am extremely introverted these days. i forget how to start a conversation. i lack the interest to sustain one. i wish there is that white clowd you see in comics. just read my thoughts. out loud. i think it's just me. i shy back to my comfort space. i detest changes. so i am struggling to stay in one place. geddit?

i'll be a doctor, 6 months from now. and I'll let you know when it is perhaps the safest time, to come to me, because with my level of knowledge and skills, I could offer nothing but harm.:)