sometime I feel I am being overly emotional.

i over think some things.

I am overly sensitive.

but here's the truth.

it hurts the same.

because I am insignificant.
because my thoughts doesn't really matter.
no one really cares.
no one really listens or pays attention.

maybe it's me.
maybe I should stop trying to fit in.
because if something is right, it wouldn't feel so hard.
it should feel right.

Ramadhan and you.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan.:)

I truly do love Ramdhan. The wake up calls for sahurs, sahurs, the sound of Azan during berbuka, kurmas and mama's cooking, the call for terawikh, and how safe I feel during the month. It is a month full of goodness. and it is a month that bring us family closer together. I like how we unite at the dining table. I wish pa was with us every day. I wish Ina and the kids were not staying so far away.But that is what life is. You can never really have everything.

I realize sometimes, I do not think of pa as much as I did before. And it makes me sad knowing this sometimes. How can I forget so easily, someone who had been a huge part of my life. I try to recall pieces of your memories but sometimes I can't remember.

I'm sorry pa. I don't mean to forget. But sometimes It helps thinking you went on a long journey. That way, I will miss you, but life, will still be endurable.

combing your hair.
putting on a mask and scrubbing your face 3 x a week.
going on the trademill for at least 1/2 hour.
drink plenty of h2o.
saying no no to all the sinful food i love to eat.

All the above sounds pretty easy.
but the truth is I am lazy. As stated for the billionth time in my posts.
Is there such thing as people do change? because I never believe I have the power to.
I've seen people, change.
I've read about changes.
But yet I just can't see changes in myself.

today my only achievement is perhaps eating an orange, papaya, one tbsp of nasi goreng and milo 3 in 1.instead of just nasi goreng.the same amount of calories, but with more satisfaction from eating lagi byk.

sigh.

I

am









FATTTTTT!
HELPP!:'(

Time flies, doesn't it?

my sister just gave birth to a very handsome boy. He won my heart the very first time I met him. I'd imagine in years to come he'd win/break(hehe) hearts. My sister has not yet announced his name though I've the privilege of being the first person who knows it.and I love it. so will everyone else.:)

this year two of my bestest friends got married.I've posted kye's but not yet aini's.

so this is the very gorgeous bride who I love more than myself.:)
Congratulations dear Aini Ayu and Lutfi! One of the most beautiful couple. May you live happily ever after.:)


Lovies,
umang.;)

I think I shall return to blogging?

why?
because I have plenty of time to waste. planning to work in october(after raya). so while waiting for my life to be over, i shall blog about fun times.

what did I do today?

car hopping!if there is such thing. I like honda civic, but since yours truly cannot even drive even to warta tercinta yet, I'd settle for a honda city. that would be my kereta basahan for now. yippeee! have not officially bought it yet, have a few stuffs to settle sometime next week. but Insya Allah, if all goes well, 4 months from now I'd have my very own carr baybee. ok now I feel so grown up! a job interview with the spa. and next a car. and officially employed yes? fun times indeed.

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and next what we do best, and how we spend most of our time. we do this more than we ever do buy anything else. sedih kan? but food is one of the greatest enjoyment in life yo.:)

A friendship more than a decade, and one of us is taking the next step.and that was one of the most beautiful moments and I was part of it.:)

To the very beautiful bride,

Congratulations!
I am so happy you have found your happily ever after and
I wish you and Ikram only the very best from today onwards.
Semoga berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu yea?
And May God Bless both of you, always.

what I need now is the sun,

tersurat and tersirat.
i need them both.

I was more accepting.
because to truly love someone, you have to let them go when you see them suffer.

But all this while I secretly pleaded,

'Please, stay. because I keep on missing you'

this feeling.
the insecurity, uncertainties, and loosing hope and faith.
Is it possible to feel this unhappy?

OK contrary to my belief, I am indeeeeeeed a pemalas. look at this blog!
words words and promises which I never keep.*slaps face*

I have been well and good. now I am in kilkenny but sometimes I wish I could do my clinicals back in dubs because you get to see plenty of cases. plus I have spent most of my student years in bmnt so i'd like to believe i feel more at home there. here, it feels like I am on a holiday. even when I'm on wards, seeing a patients a day is a HUGE accomplishment. lol. finals is 12 weeks from now.
And I hope the force will be with us, Insya Allah.:)

As I am approaching 6 months till graduation, I should start posting up more entries on my student life(even if I don't have one) instead of whining or well sharing more personal stuffs. so lets start. today i inserted a few lines, but i had to cry for assistance almost all the time. but practise leads to perfection, and hopefully by then end of this two weeks I'll gain more confidence.
so today involved a lot of bloods and coffees. so overall not so productive but will try to be hardworking for the next 12 days.that's what I strive to be.

ok not to bad. I'm actually pretty happy w this entry(hehe). will update more 2morow/ maybe a month from now. we'll see.:)

this picture, I break down every time i see it. i miss you pa.

a friend today said yoga? and i said let's do it. i have to admit it is, so far away from being considered a sport,but on a brighter note it helps some, spiritually?for me it could be the solution with my battle against loosing more weight. I should love sports. wait I did 10 years ago, when it involved tracks,balls and well more tracks.

i turned 25 a couple of days/weeks ago. I lost track.I wished I was as happy as I was about birthdays as I was when I was 16. truth is, now,I feel nothing. birthdays, it comes and it goes. and everytime it does, I can't help but feel a bit sad for some unknown reason. but the effort and kind wishes from closed ones and random people had help me realize the importance of a the only day that belongs to me.

tonight i feel like watching while you were sleeping. a perfect movie for someone who's about to loose her voice.

it will be a good night.

i want something that is not constantly changing.

and it will remain mine.

forever and ever.